First Impressions May Hinge on Using the Proper Fork
By Jawahar Malhotra
Last Updated: July 04, 2008
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MISSOURI CITY : The maitre’d just served the salad as you start a five-course dinner. Which fork do you choose out of the three? As you eat your soup, how do scoop from the dish? For the course of fish, which wine do you choose, red or white?
If you drew a blank gaze, then the presentation that Sheela Rao gave last Saturday at Carino’s Italian restaurant in Missouri City over lunch would have probably benefitted you, just as it did the nearly 40 young professionals who came to the Young TiE event, a part of its learning to compete series.
Rao has perfected what she preached through 33 years of entertaining business and community leaders, at the side of her husband, Ashok Rao, the President of TiE Houston, the founding entity behind YTiE.
But she is also an accomplished classical Indian dancer, has gone to a finishing school, taken etiquette classes and lived in Europe for several years.
She began her presentation with a 12-question pop quiz about the etiquette used in business meetings. It was no surprise that most failed miserably on the quiz!
Rao moved onto the manners used for effective mingling and networking. Some points, like rising when meeting someone, giving a good firm handshake to men and women alike (“don’t just grip the woman’s fingers!”), learning how to introduce yourself and others and when it is a good time to pass out your business card elicited a lively discussion.
“A 10 to 20 second, well-rehearsed bio of yourself goes a long way,” said Rao as she continued on her tips for meeting people for the first time. And she echoed a tip that another YTiE presenter, Ken Jones, also gave at a previous lecture, always wear your name tag on the right shoulder. “It makes it easier for people to read your name when you shake hands,” she explained, as some nervously moved their nametags from the left shoulder.
Some other helpful ideas for mingling were not to hold a drink in the right hand (gets wet), not to clasp your arms in front (suggest a defensive posture), no controversial topics on the first meeting, and waiting for a lull to jump into a group discussion (or wait to be introduced).
After the initial meeting or lunch, Rao stressed the importance of sending a personalized note. “I just write out a little thank you card and pop it in the mail,” she said. In today’s environment, where email and texting has become so prevalent and quick for some to use, Rao was asked in one of the livelier question and answer segments whether it was acceptable to thank someone electronically? “Probably. But I still prefer the old fashioned approach,” she quipped.
Rao moved along rapidly to cover the rest of the ground in her all-encompassing discourse of etiquette, the art of being a good host. Make your guest comfortable, seek an ambiance that allows for conversation, let the guest get the better view, use correct seating for a discussion and set the tone for drinks. “Don’t overdo the drinks,” she joked, “since alcohol adds a ‘truth serum’.”
If the protocol she outlined were not followed, would it be fair to conclude that you were being given the cold shoulder or shallowly treated? Should you feel slighted? Probably so, thought Rao, and suggested that you cut the meeting short.
Rao came to the dining part of her presentation by explaining a typical table setting for a 5-course meal and how each piece of cutlery and china was laid out and used. She also went over the differences in the American and European styles of using the knife and fork. “The Americans use a ‘zig-zag’ style, cutting with their right hand then returning the fork to the right hand for eating. The Europeans use both hands,” she demonstrated. Even at the end of the meal, the two styles are different: the Americans with the tines of the fork up and the Europeans with the tines down.
Some table manners were often mangled by many, like not putting the elbows on the table, not shaking the napkin open, never waving the silverware while talking and ending the meal by placing the napkin on the side of the plate.
Others were more quaint and helpful, like passing the ‘community foods’ – salt and pepper, butter, sugar – along from on the table and not hand to hand, passing the salt and pepper together and toasting by holding the glass from the stem. “Above all use the three-Bs for toasting,’ advised Rao, “be sincere, be brief and be seated”.
As for the right fork for salad, it’s the outermost one. You scoop away from the dish for soup. And its white wine for fish and white meats; the white wine goblet is the one furthest from you on the right.
But you probably knew that, right?
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