A Coach, An Adviser or Know-It-All
An advisor is someone who suggests things. He/she may suggest a complete solution, they may suggest a different way of looking at a problem, or suggest sources where you can get solutions. The key is, an advisor is hands off, they give you the information, and you are responsible for making things happen.
By Farida Hasanali
“I need to lose 20 pounds, what do I do?” “I hate my life, what do I do?” “Will you find me a job?” I get asked these and many other questions almost on a daily basis. For some, I have an immediate answer and I see the person follow through with my suggestions, and then with others I just get frustrated. I get frustrated because it seems like people ask for advise or help but they don’t really want it. I came across one such person today that got me thinking about how I could be more effective as a coach and an advisor. I would like to share some of my research with you because I am sure you either ask questions or answer other people’s questions; in both cases this should help.
Before we go any further, let me point out the differences between a coach, an advisor and a know-it-all. The Know-it-All is neither a coach nor an advisor, they have an opinion and regardless of whether you ask for help or not, they are going to give it to you.
An advisor is someone who suggests things. He/she may suggest a complete solution, they may suggest a different way of looking at a problem, or suggest sources where you can get solutions. The key is, an advisor is hands off, they give you the information, and you are responsible for making things happen.
A coach is much more hands on. A coach makes suggestions and then gently nudges you to follow through. According to M. Farouk Radwan, MSc. a coach should consider the following guidelines:
• Don’t always believe what they tell you—sounds weird right? Truth is people’s opinions are biased by their perception of reality. A good coach would first make sure he has validated the opinions for himself before giving out any advice or suggestions.
• Don’t prove them right—I come across this behavior all the time when asked how to lose weight. People will ask for advice because they want to prove they cannot be helped. Once they rationalize they cannot be helped then they can continue living their lives without guilt. A response might sound like “see, I told you my body is different, I took your advice and it didn’t work. It’s useless for me to try to lose weight.”
• Open their eyes to self-deception—the previous example works great for this one. “If only I could wake up in the morning, I could workout and I would lose weight.” Actually their mind prevents them from waking up because of their fear that they will not lose weight. It’s important to address the self-deception at the start.
• Show them reality—easier said than done! But it’s very important to show the person the results that will surface if only they follow through. For instance, in the weight-loss example I would explain the difference between dieting and life-style changes and how life-style changes are a permanent change versus dieting which is short-term satisfaction of losing a couple pounds and then gaining back 10.
• Show them the way first, then motivate them—give actual solutions not suggestions. With the person trying to lose weight, help them breakdown their daily calorie consumption, tell them what they should and shouldn’t eat and then motivate them to follow through to get the best results. If you give actionable advice, you will help build trust and the person will make an effort to listen to you more.
One important point to remember is for you to be open to learning whilst coaching others. Every time you ask someone to do something or say something, think about applying it yourself and whether or not you had some biases that led you to say something or lead some one along a certain path. No one can be bias free, every experience in our lives teaches us something and we look at life through those lenses. The key as a coach and even as an advisor is to be aware of your own biases and not to instill them on the person asking you for the advice.
Source: http://www.2knowmyself.com/coaching/how_to_coach_people
Farida Hasanali is a freelance writer for several Indo-American publications. In her day job, she works as a Knowledge & Program Manager for BP’s Remediation Management Division.